


You Are (Not) Starfire

by kingbeezelbub



Category: DCU (Comics), Teen Titans (Comics), Teen Titans - All Media Types
Genre: Crack Treated Seriously, Curious Kori, Gen, Humor, response to the starfire YA comic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-17
Updated: 2020-12-17
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:41:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,198
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28126299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kingbeezelbub/pseuds/kingbeezelbub
Summary: An eager Kori finds a certain book about her and shows it off to her friends. The results are... less than enthusiastic.
Kudos: 9





	You Are (Not) Starfire

Kori flew into the room, beaming with one of her usual smiles. "Greetings, my friends! Guess what I've bought today?" She held up a bag in front of the Titans. "Go on, guess!"

"A new bow?" Roy joked, earning him a smack from Donna. "Hey!"

"Some Gucci pumps?" Wally asked.

Donna frowned at them and shook her head. "Boys..." She turned to Kori. "Is it a new book?"

"Yes! But it is not any ordinary book!" Kori pulled it out of her bag, holding it into the air as if she won a trophy. The Titans sat up to look at the cover, mixed expressions ranging from nervousness to disgust on their faces. "I found it near the display of the bookstore! It had my likeness on the cover with a young girl! But I am confused about the title, though..." The Tamaranean frowned. "Why would it say, 'I am not Starfire?'"

"Because the book is-" Roy was cut again by Donna elbowing him. "Ow! I wasn't gonna curse!"

"Hey, Kori, why don't you take the book upstairs and come hang out with me?" Dick asked, trying to hide the worry that was building up inside him. He had read the book while he was stopping to get Kori a gift, and good lord, it didn't paint the alien woman in a good light.

"But Dick, I want to know what this book is about." Kori pouted. "I am curious to know what it is like!"

"Y-You don't want to read it, Kori, trust me. Not yet." Donna shook her head.

"...Very well. But I will read it later." With that, Kori then headed upstairs with her book. The Titans quickly huddled together, serious looks on their faces. "I cannot believe that people would buy that kind of nonsense. I mean, can you imagine someone making a comic about Barry having a daughter and having the same damn premise? For fuck's sake, the thing reads like a bad fanfic someone would make while drunk!" Roy hissed.

"Dude, it's just a comic." Garfield sighed, rolling his eyes. "It's not that bad."

"Have you seen the reviews for the book? I swear to god, I have never seen such stupid responses in my life. 'Star-thot? More like Star-not! This book is a must-read!' 'Mandy relates to me, she totally gets how I feel about my mom, she's so embarrassing to have around!' 'Seriously, Starfire should be more like the one in this book, the comics just make her too lewd and slutty! She should be more wholesome and kid-friendly, and totally be all covered up!'" Roy snorted, rolling his eyes.

"Please, don't remind me." Donna groaned. "I had to block anyone dissing Kori. What were the people thinking when they made this book?" She threw her hands up in the air.

"I'm just worried what will Kori think of this when she reads it. I mean, I don't want her to get offended by this thing..." Wally looked nervous, twiddling his fingers. Dick shook his head at his friends' antics. "C'mon, guys. This is Kori we're talking about. It's not like she'll go into a murderous rage if she finishes reading the book or something."

Suddenly, a loud screech came from upstairs, making them jump up and flinch.

"Oh, god..." Donna gulped. "She read it."

"Titans, with me!" Dick barked as they ran up the stairs in a panic. As they reached Kori's room and opened the door, they had to shield their eyes from the radiant Tamaranean princess, who was seething. "K-Kori?" Dick moved forwards, tentatively. "It's okay, Kor..."

"I cannot believe this! Why would they dishonor my culture like this?!" Kori growled, her green eyes glowing bright. "Who is responsible?! I DEMAND TO KNOW!"

"It's-" Donna covered Roy's mouth, shooting him a glare.

"Kori, please. I know you're angry-"

"I am more than just angry, Dick. I _am_ **livid**." Kori hissed, energy gathering around her hands.

"But you can't go and kill the one who made this book. T-They have the right to express their own views, their own opinions!" Nightwing placated his fuming ex. "We can't just go and attack someone just because they don't really know us!"

"Arguably," Roy snorted, earning him another elbow from the glaring Amazon. "Dammit, woman!"

Kori powered down and sighed. "You are right, Dick. As much as I detest this thing and the slandering that lies within the book, I must respect your decision." A devious smile flashed across her face. "But that does not mean I am entitled to some sort of revenge."

"K-Kori? What do you mean by that?" Dick asked worriedly. Kori didn't answer as she left the room, her friends quickly moving out of the way.

"I don't like the sound of that..." Wally shook his head.

Later, the Titans were watching TV, Roy lazily flipping the channels.

"God, this is boring..." The red archer sighed, hitting the up button repeatedly.

"And breaking news, we go to Trisha with the report! Trish, what's going on?" The news anchor asked a blonde on the screen. Trisha was standing in front of a big house, looking nervous as she held her mike steady.

"Well, Jim, we're here at the scene where Miss Mariko Tamaki lives, and we have reports of a naked, orange woman-"

"Boring!" Roy changed the channel.

"Wait, Roy, go back!" Dick shouted. Roy sighed and changed the channel back. "...Wait, did she just describe-"

All the Titans' eyes were glued to the screen as they saw Kori, who was standing in front of a lawn, in one of her seductive poses, smiling for the camera.

"Oh, my god." Donna gaped.

"Hot damn!" Garfield howled. "You go, Kori!"

Dick made a strangled, broken squeal as he saw Kori then turn around and bent over, flashing her rear at the window, the grin stuck on her face. Wally covered his eyes, and Roy just whistled. 

"It appears she's exposing herself in front of Miss Tamaki. I'm going to get some answers." Trisha moved to Kori, microphone out. "Excuse me, ma'am. What are you doing?"

"I am making a statement." Kori replied.

"What kind of...statement?" Trisha asked.

"An important statement of sexual freedom." The alien princess faced the camera with a serene look. "There is no shame in nudity or being proud of your sexual attractiveness, these are not things to be cowed by or looked down upon. Everyone has the right to express themselves in any way they wish. I am sending this statement to those who believe in otherwise, to the people who believe that sex is an evil."

"Well, that is one very unique statement. Thank you, miss..."

"Kori Anders."

"Thank you, Miss Anders." Trisha turned to the camera. "That was Miss Anders with her protest. Back to you, Jim."

"Twitter is gonna freak." Garfield stated.

"Thanks for the obvious, Beast Brat." Roy shook his head and threw up his hands. "I bet those jackasses are gonna have a field day with this."

"Dick? Dick, are you okay?" Donna asked.

Dick was in a corner, curled in a ball and sobbing miserably.

"I think he'll be fine." Wally said, scratching his head. "Well, mostly fine."


End file.
